The Skankon Jewel Shards
by Ehlizabeth
Summary: HAY! I, Naraku, have sent Inuyasha on a fabulous quest to find the perfect girl! He has to collect the Skankon Jewel shards from who else but SKANKS! HAY! I'm outtie! T for language!
1. Chapter 1

After years of searching, InuYasha finally found the last Shikon jewel shard. He could finally have his wish, to become a full demon.

"Finally I can be rid of all these idiots, especially Kagome that dumb bitch."

"Hey! I'm not that dumb!" said Kagome.

"Make your wish already Inuyasha...before Naraku shows up," said Miroku.

JUST THEN! Naraku flitted into the middle of the field with Kagura and Kanna.

"HAY GIRLFRIEND! CHECK OUT THESE FAB U LOUS NEW SHOES I BOUGHT FOR MY MAIN BITCHES! HAY! WORK IT OUT SKANKS!"

Kagura and Kanna strutted around the field.

"THESE SHOES HAVE FAB U LOUS POWERS! WORK IT GIRLS!"

Suddenly everyone, guys and girls, except Inuyasha were trying to rape Kagure and Kanna. Inuyasha pulled out his Tetsaiga. "You annoying fairy. I'm going to slice your homo pleaser off."

"HAY Mr. Giant Sword Weilder! Don't be jealous girl cuz I got what you don't."

Inuyasha lunged at Naraku, but Naraku used his fairy powers to quickly flit away and grab the Shikon Jewel.

"HAY! I was going to wish to be the most fagulous fashion designer everrrr! But you need some charity today honey. I WISH INUYASHA WOULD FIND THE PERFECT WOMAN! THE ONE WHO LOVES SMALL SWORDS FO SHO!THE ONE WHO WILL PLEASE HIM SO HE DOESN'T ACT LIKE SOMETHING IS UP HIS ASS ALL THE TIME! LETS GO BITCHES! I'M OUTTIE!"

Naraku and his posse disappeared in a puff of fairy dust.

"Dammit! I was this close to being a full demon!"

Suddenly, the Shikon Jewel started to shake and Kikyou appeared. "Do you like these new shoes Naraku bought me? He has imppecable fashion sense!"

"What the hell are you doing here Kikyou?" growled Inuyasha.

"I have come to tell you of your new quest. The Shikon Jewel is going to split again an-"

"Shit! We just spent 8 fuckin years trying to find all those damn shards! Is this an attempt by the writers to keep this cash cow going on? I'm not signing a new contract!"

"Excuse me. I was speaking. Ahem. You will be sent to Kagome's time. You will be searching for the Skankon jewel shards. Skanks posess these jewel shards and you must lure the shards away from them. When you have collected all the shards, your perfect woman will come to you."

"I'm already deeply in debt from the past eight years, financing this damn quest. I get at least five collection calls a day from creditors. Not to mention all the medical bills from all my damn battles. The government doesn't insure half-demons!"

"The viewers are all fourteen year old girls who don't have that much logic. Do not worry about such finances."

"What happens if I don't undergo this quest?"

"You will be indebted to Naraku, since he gave up his wish for you. I wouldn't want that, since Naraku has had his eye on you for a long time."

"Shit! I accept! At least I'll still be able to get away from these blithering fools!"

"Not so fast Inuyasha. You will still need Kagome to detect the shards. Trust me, you will need Miroku for the types of people you will be dealing with. They will be putty in Miroku's hands." Kikyou paused for a moment. "Well. Any man's hands, but there needs to be an excuse for Miroku to come."

"What about me?!" exclaimed Sango.

"They don't really need you," said Kikyou coldly.

Sango began to cry.

"Shippou needs to go because you need obligatory cuteness."

"DAMN IT!" yelled Inuyasha.

"Now go fall in the Boner Eater's Well," commanded Kikyou.

"Mmm can I live there?" asked Miroku. Sango slapped him upside the head.


	2. The Modern World

"Hmm. Its great these passports, visas, and plane tickets magically appeared, considering the Japanese government considers you dead over 500 years ago!" remarked Kagome.

"Plane tickets? Whats a plane?" asked Inuyasha.

"Umm. Its like a magical bird that flies people places."

"Shit!" exclaimed Inuyasha. "Where are we going?"

"Los Angeles, California," said Kagome.

"I've been reading up on our destination. Its a good thing we speak such perfect English," said Miroku, "even though Feudal Japan had no contact with English speaking nations."

"Well everyone get packing. We have to catch the subway to the airport," commanded Kagome.

"Whats a subway?" asked Inuyasha.

"Nevermind. Everyone follow my lead."

So they all gathered their belongings and headed out to the subway station. All from the Feudal Era were amazed at the tall buildings and masses of people. Likewise, all the modern Japanese were amazed at the freaky feudal attire. They descended into the subway station. The gang was swept up in the sea of commuters. The subway attendant pushed everyone into the subway car.

"Get your hands off me fool or feel the force of the Tetsaiga!" yelled Inuyasha.

Everyone looked at him and Kagome said "Quiet Inuyahsa!"

In the crowded train, Inuyasha could have sworn he saw that bitch Kikyou, but took it as tiredness. Finally they reached the airport. They got their boarding passes and headed straight to security. Kagome walked right through no problem. Shippou was up next.

"Oh what a cute fox costume you have there little girl!" said the agent.

"I'm a boy!" exclaimed Shippou. He walked through the metal detector to join Kagome on the other side.

Next up was Miroku. He put his bag on the conveyor belt. Suddenly the alert light went off and the security agent said "Sir I'm gonna have to ask you to check this staff. This is against federal regulations!"

"I refuse! I use this to defend myself! What if Naraku attacks?!"

"Boy I don't know what kinda fruity tooty name Naraku is but you need to cooperate or there will be legal reprocussions."

"NEVER!"

"You leave me no choice but to use the taser!" She lunged at Miroku but Inuyasha deflected her blow with the Tetsaiga and knocked her out cold. All the agents and airport security rushed up to Inuyasha ready to tase him as well.

"Inuyasha! What are you doing?!" exclaimed Kagome.

Suddenly Kikyou appeared. 'I know when Inuyasha completes his quest, he will realize I'm his true love. The quest can't be over this soon. Neither can this fanfic. I will wipe out all of security's memory. Hurry Inuyasha! Catch your flight into my arms!' thought Kikyou.

All the security agents fell asleep. "Hurry Inuyasha. You have three minutes before they wake up!  
Catch your flight!"

They all ran to the gate to board the flight to Lala Land!


End file.
